Sunday, November 11, 2012

Day 1: Begin

My hopes with regard to body image and beauty perception for me, personally, are about acceptance and respect. I want to accept the body I have been given, or maybe even embrace it. My body is short (I don't mind that actually), fat (I think it always will be, though it's currently much fatter than I prefer), pale (I'm mostly fine with that), and has frustratingly wavy but not curly hair (with which I have a love-hate relationship). There are little things I hate about my body that seem like such a waste of brainpower- my toenails are so tiny, my fingernails are thin and ugly, my belly button is wide and deep and shows through clothing, my boobs are a mess of saggy scar tissue. My boobs are a big issue- I had them reduced for pain (and vanity), which I mostly don't regret, except that they are still ugly and don't make enough milk for my daughter. My mons is fat; that's a fairly new thing.
Anyway, why do all those things bother me? Why not just enjoy my body, treat it well, and go about my life? I guess that's why I'm here, answering these question (which I admittedly rolled my eyes at) for day one of three hundred and sixty five.
As for my hopes for the world- that's just too broad for me to answer right now. I wish, in general, people treated one another with respect and kindness rather than judgment and cruelty. That would lead to better self-esteem and a wider acceptance of different people with their different bodies. But I can't say what I hope for the world specifically- there are too many people, cultures, options, women.
I don't know how I can begin to live my hopes today. Isn't that why I bought this sodding book? I suppose what I can do, what I have done, today, is answer these questions are honestly as I can at this moment. So today, I can begin my journey. Today, I can write without judging myself. Maybe tomorrow, I will judge my body a little less.

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