Day 5: Vision

I began to think about whether I had a vision for myself, and a lot of whining came out. Whining about an unexpected job situation, whining about whether I would have options in the future, whining about how life isn't following the plan I set. Well, those things are temporary and not related to the question at hand, which is what my vision for myself is. So I am digging deeper. And I like I'm finding.

1. I want to be an athlete. THERE I SAID IT. Not a marathon runner, or a record-breaker, or an exercise 2-3 hours a day athlete. I want to be fit, feel amazing, have energy, and find out what my body is capable of. I want to advance from the roller rec league to a comp team. I want to push my limits. I want to enjoy the hell out of this one body I'll ever get. I want my body to choose it's size, the one where I feel phenomenal. 
2. I want to be present. I want to enjoy the little moments with my daughter, my husband, my friends and family. I want to be deeply involved in the conversation rather than scrolling through blogs on my iPhone. I want to play and dance and run without worrying about something. I just want to BE.

That's it for now. And that's enough for now. What I wish for myself is want what I have and to have faith that future will provide an unexpected opportunity for me and my family. In the spirit of being present, Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu gives us this to ponder, "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." I can absolutely see truth in that statement, at least in my own life and my own emotions. I am torn between the past (poor decisions leaving me feeling depressed) and the future (not knowing what will happen makes me feel anxious). If I can learn to focus on the present, enjoying the moment, letting the past go, making positive present decisions so that future will simply follow, I believe I can find contentment. In my career, in my relationships, in myself. And peeking around the corner of contentment is self-confidence. 

One step at a time.